Sunday, January 01, 2012

184. Learning in 2011

As I reflect back on 2011, I am thinking about some of the major kairos moments that were defining moments. This year has been a big year of learning for me in multiple areas. In fact, I sort of feel overwhelmed when I try to group all the kairos moments into themes or categories. I finally settled on using the two principles of Covenant and Kingdom to categorize my learning. So here is the readers digest version...

One of the ground breaking learning moments I had was in Indianapolis IN. We were participating in a Learning Community with 3DM. I was doing some scripture reading in John 15 at our hosts house in the morning. At that time, this was a rare practice for me. I did not know it at the time, but my heart had grown cold towards scripture, and as a result, my confidence in Jesus and the gospel was being seriously undermined by a lack of respect for, and interaction with scripture. This only added to the distance I was feeling between me and God. This kind of distance, as the writer of Hebrews implies, does not happen all at once. We drift away, ever so slowly, til we are so far out to sea, we do not know which way to row or turn back towards the land.

As I was reading John 15:1-8, I heard God say to me "I am not going to let you go any further until you get this this down." I knew exactly what he was referring to,. I needed to learn how to Abide with him. You see, I was 35 at the time, and I had never actually developed a consistent time to spend with the Father...ever. I was a classic survivalist. I wold work hard till I burned out, then I would seek nourishment and rest in God from my exhaustion. It was a cycle I had learned to perform really well. It became so much of a pattern in my life, I thought it was normal.

Really, what the Father was asking for was to pay attention to and strengthen the covenant relationship I have with him. Covenant is about relationship. It is about being one with God. It focuses on being, not doing. The major thing I have been learning in my life this past year is how to abide in the vine. I have been learning about the proper order of being rooted in covenant in order to be established for representing God in kingdom work and ministry.

This is a big lesson for me because I am wired for doing. I am wired for representation. I am not wired for being or relationship. I would rather do, pioneer, achieve than to relate, talk, or spend time nurturing, listening and enjoying someone. The lesson for me this year was that Covenant always comes before Kingdom. That is, I have to be one with God before I seek to represent him. I have to cultivate being before doing.

As I have humbled myself and repented over this past year, I have felt the darkness, the loneliness, the pride, the bitterness, the cynicism, and all the funk slowly begin to fade away. I can see a new day coming. Like a day star rising in the morning.

Me and my wife are currently in transition, and never before have I had to seek God like I have been seeking him lately. We are listening for what God wants us to do. For the first time in my life, I do not know what where we need to be. I know what I am called to do. I am called to plant churches, and possibly write another book, in that order. However, I do not have the slightest idea of where we need to go or who we need to partner with in order for that to happen. I am listening....I am praying....I am fasting....I am abiding....I am investing in my covenant relationships with the Father and with my wife. This may be what I am supposed to be learning right now. I may need to catch up on lost time and track.

It is not ideal not to know. Wanting to do something for God and feeling like you are on hold is a drag to be honest. I am not one to sit around saying "I am waiting on God" either. If anything, I get way ahead of God or leave God behind in my plans. So for the first time in my life, I am letting him lead and speak to me for direction in our lives. In the midst of this, I am learning to be content and to find joy in my covenant relationships.

So in 2011, my major kairos has been the primacy of covenant relationship with the Father. What was your pivotal learning moment in 2011?

1 comment:

coffeedrinkingpreacher said...

What a tremendous blessing to encounter and enjoy.